Why Do Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love

Why Men Pull Away

Do you ever wonder why men pull away just when they are falling in love with a person? This is an aspect of romance with a man that drives many women crazy, and to be perfectly frank, many men actually stun themselves with this aspect of their behavior. It is not something that all men do, but it does happen so much that many members of the masculine gender are rather stereotyped by such behavior. Backing away from a romantic relationship just as it is getting serious is honestly something women do too, but not with the frequency that men do.

The reasons why a man might do this, of course, vary from person to person, so no individual circumstance should be labeled or assumed. However, there are common themes among men that do this. Insecurity, a desire for freedom, analysis paralysis, and sheer negative instinct are all four common scenarios that might cause a man to pull away from a loved one, right when things are going great.

In the first case, insecurity, a man might not feel ready to become open and vulnerable with someone. This can possibly be a personality flaw, but a lack of maturity and unhealed or repressed emotional wounds might also present themselves in the face of commitment scenarios. Faced with the possibility of dealing with older, painful issues, many men choose to withdraw partially or even fully from a relationship. Having said that, their intentions might actually be well-meaning here, especially if they know their baggage might lead them to be abusive or hurtful to their romantic partner.

The above video is only a quick sample of the useful content over at http://whydomenpullaway.net The full article the accompanies the video is incredibly useful for women, who find themselves in this situation in their relationship with a distant man.

In terms of the second situation, maintaining a desire for freedom, a man might be faced with competing desires. On the one hand, he might truly love a person and want to be with them, but he might also want to remain uncommitted so that he can have fun with other women, or at least be close to the point of being able to do so. The conflict between these two urges can tug at a man to the point of playing it ‘safe’ and backing away a bit.

Analysis paralysis is a third situation that afflicts many men when falling in love or dealing with anything new. Men like to feel like they are at least in control of themselves, even if they are not in control of their lives. So, when their heart makes a leap that their head has not gone through yet, they can be out of sorts for a while until their mind catches up with their emotional state. While thoroughly frustrating for the romantic partner, it is best just to wait them out and hope they come around.

In the last case, a man might actually fall in love with a woman or romantic partner but also just know at an instinctual level that it would never work out or be ideal. These can be very tough cases for both individuals, but if a man is convinced the relationship has no good future, he’ll back away from it before it ever goes anywhere in the first place.

Again, there can be many reasons other than these four cases why men would pull away right when falling in love with someone, and unless you can actually get in their head, it’s almost impossible to know what someone you know is going through unless you talk to them yourself about it.

How To Save a Broken Relationship

How To Save A Broken Relationship

All relationships have periods of uncertainty, turmoil, and turbulence. Even successful long-term relationships have conflicts. Don’t believe it when your great-grandfather says there wasn’t a single day that he wasn’t thankful for marrying your great-grandmother.

All relationships have conflict, whether people want to admit it, or not. From mild annoyances to serious stressors, a conflict can have a snowball effect on your relationship. If you don’t address the problems, they can destroy your relationship.

If you have conflict in your relationship, all is not lost. If both partners give time, effort and a little bit of patience, it’s possible to save a relationship, even if it’s severely broken. Here are a couple of steps that can help you fix your relationship.

1. Introduce Positivity:

The snowball effect of your relationship’s problems is much worse if it’s the only thing you focus on. Take a few moments, when you’re not bickering or dealing with the stressors that are building a wall around you, to do something you enjoy doing together.

If you both enjoy a hobby, find a way to bring that activity back into your life. Taking a workout class, going hiking, or taking an art course, can offer a positive challenge that will remind you and your partner that you are a great team.

2. Set Goals Together:

If you live in the past, you will kill your relationship. Instead of focusing on your past traumas and fights, start thinking about what you want your relationship to look like in the future. Then you can determine the best way to achieve those goals.

Don’t just write abstract terms like “teamwork” and “happiness.” Your goal needs to state exactly what you want; then you can plan out the steps needed to get there. If you both have your eyes on your long-term goals, you can work as allies with a sense of purpose.

 

 

3. Try to Share Your Painful Feelings, Not Just Anger:

When a person tries to defend themselves against fear, pain and hurt, one common defense mechanism is to turn those feelings into anger. Yelling and arguing with your partner, is actually a twisted way of expressing fear or hurt. Adults train themselves to repress their feelings until they come out sideways.

Anger may feel safer than telling your partner about your fears or crying, but it can cause more damage to your relationship. Sadness and fear are scary emotions. However, they’re healthy to share. Tell your partner how you feel without accusing them. Try to use the words “I” or “me,” not “you.” When you own your feelings, your partner will be less likely to feel defensive. This tips alone can save a damaged relationship.

4. Don’t Be So Serious:

Try to lighten up at home. It’s not enough to just pursue a hobby together; you need to inject some fun into your life. Challenge your partner to a sit-up or push-up contest during the commercial breaks in your favorite TV shows. Play karaoke music while washing the dishes or making dinner.

Do things to break up your routine and lighten the atmosphere. A little fun can go a long way. When you’re a place of joy and fun, it’s easier for love to come back into your relationship.

How To Stop Smothering Your Boyfriend

Smothering Him

In every relationship, one of the participants will be more prone to becoming smothering or ‘clingy’ and the other person is more aloof and independent. It’s not difficult to determine which one you are. If you’re prone to smothering, you may probably know that you were clingy for your entire dating life. It’s probably caused problems in the past.

Fortunately, some relationships are full of compromise and differences. It’s not difficult to overcome the urge to cling. However, you must acknowledge your behavior. Then you can begin to work on solving the problem. There are several tips that can help you learn how not to smother your boyfriend.

1. Leave His Best Friends Alone:

Some couples share friends, however, his longtime best guy friend. He should not become your best friend. Many clingy types always want to be around when their partner spends time with their best friend. However, this is one of the best ways to cross the line, going from loving to smothering.

It doesn’t matter how friendly and funny, his friend is. No matter how much they enjoy your presence, it’s not healthy. Your guy needs time to “be a guy,” and that’s not possible when latching onto his best friend. When he goes out with his friends, go out for dinner with a few girlfriends. Let your guy have his moment.

2. Give Him Room to Breathe:

You love your boyfriend, and he loves you, too. However, you don’t need to be in constant contact with him. Resist the urge to spend the day texting your stream of consciousness. Don’t spend your whole day texting your boyfriend.

If you want to text him good morning or want to tell him good luck at an endeavor or meeting, go for it! However, give him time to himself. If you initiate contact most of the time, pull back and allow him to call or text you first. Communication needs to be mutual.

3. Don’t Rush Your Relationship:

If he’s interested in bringing you to family events, call you his other half and go on an adventure every weekend, that’s great. However, don’t try to push him into a commitment. Don’t assume he’s going to spend each weekend on a romantic adventure. Don’t get into the habit of guilting him into inviting you to do things.

Maybe his mother sounds awesome, or you may want to meet his brothers. To him, you’re trying to worm your way into his family. It may come across as clingy or desperate. Take things slow and try to determine the best way to pace your relationship in a productive, and healthy, way.

4. Be Aware of Your Insecurities:

Many people cling to others out of fear of being taken for granted, overlooked, or left behind. Past hurt can lead to a person being afraid of abandonment. When you have the urge to cling, sit down and figure out what is driving this behavior. Why do you feel this way?

Are you afraid that he’ll lose interest in you? Do you worry that he’ll find someone else? If this is the case, step back and focus on building trust. Give him the space needed to prove himself. By doing this, you can help to improve your relationship.

Tips For a Successful First Date

Tips For A Successful First Date

Almost all of us are probably searching for the special someone that we can spend our lives with. However, if we are completely honest with ourselves, many of us find that our “first date” experiences are nerve-wracking and cause us all sorts of anxiety; there is a reason behind that. That being said, it is not impossible to keep this from happening.

We are here to lend you a hand. Here are five tips that have been proven to bring about a successful first date:

1. Never bring up an Ex:

It is important to remember that a first date is much like a new beginning. What this means is that having a throwback and reminiscing about the past is unnecessary, regardless of how positive or negative it may be. Even though many people do use the ex-talk a lot on first dates due to how easy it is, and usually both parties will have had that “terrible ex.”

Keep in mind that your goal is not to have history repeat itself; this can be avoided if you do not unload these issues on your first date. First dates are meant to be enjoyable, light and fluffy. Not a session dedicated to dramatic ranting.

2. Avoid the Booze:

Usually, most first dates take place at bars or during happy hours so as to provide a relaxed atmosphere. That being said it is definitely not a good idea to get drunk as this will probably ruin your chances of having anything to do with the person that you are interested in. If it is something you can’t help, having a cocktail or two is perfectly normal, however, keep it at that. First impressions are lasting impressions; you want to make a good one.

Other than that, the last thing you want is to be the memory of that date that got plastered during the first date. This is why it is best to avoid going on a drinking spree!

3. A Date is not an Interview:

You are on a first date because you are searching for a new love interest; you are not interviewing a potential business partner. It is completely normal to ask questions; however, you also have to let your date get to know you. We tend to overwhelm our dates with endless questions. It is important not to treat your date as a job interview; it should be meant as something meaningful. Sure ask questions; however allow her to do the same.

 

 

4. Engage Your Date:

Don’t just sit there ticking off points on your “things I am looking for in a girl” checklist. Remember that eye contact is crucial, especially if you are genuinely interested in your date, nothing beats looking them in the eyes.

5. Dress to Impress and Do Not Be Stingy:

As mentioned above, first impressions tend to last. This is why dressing appropriately for a first date is very important. Make sure that you iron your shirt and that it is properly tucked in and, do not wear shorts. When it comes to restaurants, find a fancy one that will fit within your budget. Make sure that you inquire if they have a dress code, this way you know how you should dress for this date.

Keep in mind that no one fancies a cheapskate, so when in front of your date; never complain about the prices, that is a definite turn off. This is why it is important to look for a restaurant that is good yet affordable.

We wish you the very best of luck on your first date.